I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
