one two three fourrrrnication!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
