definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
