Got a toothbrush?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
