I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
