no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
