My Higher Power is John Stamos
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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