I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
