Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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