Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I came so hard my ears popped.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
