I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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