My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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