how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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