paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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