If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
