John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
