He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
