i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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