Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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