Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
