Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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