My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
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You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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