ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
