i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
