I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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