How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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