Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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