unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
