69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
