Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
