There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
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I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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