We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
