So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
