phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
