Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
