It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Text me some of your sweat
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
