i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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