if only i could text you this smell
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
