Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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