fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
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Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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