I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
