its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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