so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
