Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we're making bets on your personal life
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
