I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
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He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize