True but thats because hes a fetus.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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