mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How external is "for external use only"?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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