Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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