Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
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i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
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She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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