Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice