Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.

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  (651): It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits. http://tfl.nu/7qz9
  Replies (24) Good night (4127) Bad night (752)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.

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  (509): i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me. http://tfl.nu/hwe3
  Replies (8) Good night (686) Bad night (2804)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.

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  (810): I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans. http://tfl.nu/8mn2
  Replies (13) Good night (4629) Bad night (736)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  as in "white"?

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  (864): If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry" (1-864): as in "white"? http://tfl.nu/140y
  Replies (24) Good night (5247) Bad night (917)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  When are you comin back?

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons

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  (253): When are you comin back? (1-253): probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons http://tfl.nu/lgag
  Replies (3) Good night (1944) Bad night (699)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother

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  (240): It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother http://tfl.nu/obkn
  Replies (5) Good night (768) Bad night (2916)
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  (716): View more from New York

  He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.

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  (716): He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly. http://tfl.nu/0f1o
  Replies (5) Good night (854) Bad night (1480)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.

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  (412): Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant. http://tfl.nu/1w7r
  Replies (16) Good night (1457) Bad night (965)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.

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  (937): Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever. http://tfl.nu/8uev
  Replies (7) Good night (2829) Bad night (749)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!

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  (423): You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!! http://tfl.nu/8r5y
  Replies (14) Good night (1437) Bad night (496)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??

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  (913): HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO?? http://tfl.nu/gz2t
  Replies (3) Good night (1075) Bad night (452)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.

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  (765): Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater. http://tfl.nu/rsqd
  Replies (4) Good night (1521) Bad night (570)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.

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  (407): Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks. http://tfl.nu/yvne
  Replies (6) Good night (1642) Bad night (321)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.

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  (520): She's on her period. You don't know what fear is. http://tfl.nu/pvji
  Replies (5) Good night (310) Bad night (654)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.

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  (281): Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth. http://tfl.nu/2igt
  Replies (4) Good night (775) Bad night (210)

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