Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.