I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...