Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(712): View more from Iowa

I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune

(1-318): View more from Louisiana

what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??

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(214): View more from Texas

She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(765): View more from Indiana

There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.

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(757): View more from Virginia

i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".

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(587): View more from Alberta

How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum

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