Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
