Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
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keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
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What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced