Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm gonna have a badass scar

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  (248): I'm gonna have a badass scar http://tfl.nu/vp2m
  Replies (3) Good night (1765) Bad night (702)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.

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  (703): one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day. http://tfl.nu/f2q9
  Replies (16) Good night (1535) Bad night (3581)
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  (845): View more from New York

  You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.

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  (845): You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you. http://tfl.nu/t7go
  Replies (21) Good night (4841) Bad night (1258)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.

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  (631): Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate. http://tfl.nu/qonz
  Replies (5) Good night (1312) Bad night (2814)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.

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  (204): Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY. http://tfl.nu/elym
  Replies (11) Good night (2920) Bad night (1006)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here

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  (850): There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here http://tfl.nu/c3ng
  Replies (14) Good night (2401) Bad night (935)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series

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  (402): Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series http://tfl.nu/c4pq
  Replies (13) Good night (3283) Bad night (1134)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"

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  (678): Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS" http://tfl.nu/1tt6
  Replies (4) Good night (1676) Bad night (743)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.

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  (812): We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested. http://tfl.nu/f61h
  Replies (3) Good night (1091) Bad night (474)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.

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  (303): She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/lf23
  Replies (4) Good night (1446) Bad night (556)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"

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  (917): she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall" http://tfl.nu/c8ce
  Replies (2) Good night (1712) Bad night (548)
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  (760): View more from California

  I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody

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  (760): I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody http://tfl.nu/kf7d
  Replies (4) Good night (720) Bad night (412)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame

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  (419): Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame http://tfl.nu/yqn8
  Replies (1) Good night (661) Bad night (352)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.

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  (251): Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them. http://tfl.nu/7qa6
  Replies (0) Good night (287) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard

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  (805): Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard http://tfl.nu/2ut8
  Replies (5) Good night (404) Bad night (397)

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