Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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