I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
