Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
