Your mouth is God's brothel.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
