the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
