i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
