apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
