Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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