I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
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woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
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It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
third nipple confirmed
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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