Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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