The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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