Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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