I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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