You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
