He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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