My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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