I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
