Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
