So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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