the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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