I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
