Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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