you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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