it hurts more in the daytime
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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