You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
