It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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