You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
