none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
