You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
