last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
