Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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