woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
