I'm jealous of your bromance
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
